Want to raise happy children? Want to put a smile on uncle Harry, who is clearly frustrated with his life and is an asshole to everyone around him? When dealing with people, keep in mind these fundamental needs we all have. All the people I’ve encountered who seem depressed and frustrated lack one or more of these.
Autonomy – We all need to have control over their life and a choice in what we do. Make sure the person does not feel forced or trapped in a situation.
Competence – Make sure the person is able to solve their problems. If the problem is too complex, simplify it. If they still lack the skills to solve the problem, then give them the autonomy (see above) to use a tool/professional/whatever to solve the problem.
Relatedness – People need to have a sense of belonging with others and feel connected.
How you give these to people depends entirely on the situation: If you are a minority dealing with a racist person, then start with relatedness: Focus on what’s in common, and explore other areas of commonality before you deal with more explosive topics. This is why talking about the weather is a safe (though boring and stereotypical) choice for a first coversation with a total stranger.
In any case, if you want to make someone feel better about you and life in general, make sure these three needs are met.
Any aspect of psychology is a huge topic to explore. Check out these other pages for more detail:
Self Determination Theory – Must read. This expands much more into what I wrote above.
Tony Robbins’ List – Tony is a great, uplifting person, and he states six basic human needs. They overlap with these above, so I think reading this page will give you a fuller view.
Motivating Students – The list, adapted to students.